“I don’t care”…
…the words that we sometimes use. Words that I have used. Mostly, at those moments when I use them, I am not thinking. I never think. Only later after the words are out in the world, out in the open, I rethink what has happened during the day or week and then I realise how cold and deprecative I have been.
Only a few months (or even weeks) ago I realised how powerful these words are.
“What do you think we should have for dinner between these options?” – “I don’t care.”
“How do I look? Can I wear this?!” – “I don’t care.”
“Wanna know what I’ll be doing after I finish school?” – “I don’t care.”
“I don’t care…”
Friends, family, relatives, acquaintances or even strangers. Every one has feelings and I think these are a few of the words what hurt these people’s feelings the most. When I realised how hurting they can be I promised myself that, the next time I would say “I don’t care”, I will first think about it and then say the real words. The real words, because I may be hiding myslelf, WE may be hiding ourselfs behind them. It’s hard to say the truth or even to think about the answers that we are supposed to give. We want to be lazy. Humanity sometimes is lazy and I hate that so much. That is why I promised myself and decided to band these words out of my vocabulary. I know how I’ve hurt people with those words and using them doesn’t make me better or doesn’t make me a grown up in any way. The feelings, the emotions and the true opinion does.
I don’t know when was the last time I used these words, I seriously can’t remember. Maybe I have slipped them out at times when I haven’t noticed, but it makes me even want to think more about my actions, my thoughts and what comes out of me.
What I can tell for sure, is that I will never let these strong words back in my vocabulary again. I have got to the position when I know I have to grow up and for whatever comes out of my mouth I have to pay. The memories of those moments when I know these words have hurt my friends.. and suddenly a friendship is over. Those kind of moments, memories haunt me every day and I don’t want them to repeat.
So for what I can say, is that “I don’t care” should never exist in our vocabulary. We can never use them against our close ones, because they are so powerful, so strong.. you never know how much you can hurt that other person.
The Butterfly Girl